Dear Other self,
Today, I have confessions to make!
I grew up with full of love and a happy family. But it turns out to be the worst and a living nightmare. Something bad has happened which is the main and only reason why we suffered a lot – my Mom died. I have never wished this to be happened but life was so unfair and giving me this kind of living.
Year 2011 -2015: What is life without your Mom? Very Hard! I cannot bear the pain I have for this past few years and even until now. It is like I am carrying a torch without the burning desires in life. My life was so down. I feel depressed and devastated on that time. Having no confidence in everything I do and my plans in life.
These are the years that I don’t want to remember but part of my life experiences. My dad was so abusive both physically and emotionally. I have never heard him encouraging me in life but dragging me down and makes my heart so broken. I never thought that he has no dreams for us. And sometimes he questioned himself in front of us saying “I sacrificed a lot for you!” “I wished that you have never came out in m life!” He never supported me in my studies – sometimes but not that much to feed my daily needs. And I understand that! I understand our situation. But still I still managed to pass the Entrance examination and finished one year only – not able to continue my studies due to lack of support financially and morally.
Year 2016 -2017: I don’t have a choice but to choose to give up studies. I worked at a young age and facing the reality that life is so freaking hard. I know what exactly the life is. Sweats and blood before money. But I am not that persevere to work hard. I worked different jobs and not able to stay longer. I don’t know what to do? Why is this happening? Why me of all people?
Mid-year 2017: I met new friends and help me to rise up from the ashes. I admit that we have that kind of strong connections and bond. I owe them a lot.
I met people with different stories and it makes me realize that it wasn’t only me who had experienced this kind of life. It motivates me so much. I have no permanent address to live. I stayed one month in my best friend’s house and help her doing the household chores. After that, I stayed with my cousin but still I couldn’t find a job. So, I decided to leave and left a note saying “I’m living”. It was a hard decision for me but i don’t have guts to stay longer with him, knowing that I cannot help him paying bills because I don’t have a job.
I became a Kitchen Clerk for five (5) months and leave it. My anxiety attacks me and I couldn’t help it but cry. Lowering down my self-esteem, my confidence went down, and don’t know what to do. Same feeling that I have felt before – depressions. So, I decided to go home and relax for 1 month and half.
Year 2018: This was my rising point in my life. I became a Content Writer which I suited the most since I really love to write. I started to write when I was a kid. Until when I get older, I used to write poems, essays, stories, script, and other forms of writing. I worked different companies to write them. And published online. I have never imagined this to be happened. It was the nicest feeling that seeing your articles that has published online.
Year 2019: Still working as a Content Writer. I can do everything I want, eating the food I like and so many things. I believed that there are a lot of opportunities to come in my life. I always grateful to God for giving me these life experiences, life lessons, life struggles, and other life-related. I may not have this without him and to the people who supported me morally (and financially). I owe you. I have my To-Do-List and now I’m working on my plans in life and praying that it will work accordingly.
Sometimes I think about my life and future, what is really my purpose in life? So much interesting in life. Just keep doing it until you find it. Well, every successful starts from the bottom. This will be the part of one of my achievements in life. And I am still rooting and hoping for the best to come.
Think big. Dream big. Believe. Stay Positive.
Your other self.